I had actually planned to post a picture but I don't know why it's not working. -.-
Anyways... Erm, I don't know what to talk about so please bear with me. I know I've been groaning a lot. When I say a lot, I mean it, seriously. Regine has been really annoyed with me for being so... pessimistic? I never wanted to live this life. What I mean is, there isn't any purpose to survive. What are we fighting for exactly? Maybe you're thinking that I'm weird because sometimes, I'm so optimistic and yet, so pessimistic at times. Well, that's called mood swings. Mood swings, according to Chiqi and Jia Ming. They did worse things, okay? Maybe you wouldn't think of it. o.O I haven't been blogging because of the tests and deadlines going on. Everything's over, I guess, at least for the time being.
You guys would never imagine what happened to me. I find myself so pathetic, seriously. So pathetic. I don't know why I'm blamed for something which wasn't my fault. I mean, what's the problem with those freaking adults? They don't know what I want. I want my freedom! I'm no longer the small girl everyone knew. I'm big now. You, yes you. Don't try to deny that you didn't say that and try to push all the blame to me. What's worst, you scolded me and made me cry in public. You weren't giving me a choice, you were forcing me. I don't care what reasons you had, I just know that you were unreasonable. I'm never going to forgive you for this. Do you know what I mean by people don't understand my predicament? I told them about it and all they did was to tell me to chill. It doesn't help, at all. Sometimes, I feel like bursting into tears but I know I can't. I can't show other people that I'm weak. I'm a tough girl, okay? Nobody is going to protect me if I'm a weakling. Seriously, my dad doesn't give a damn. What else can I say? I was being scolded for something I didn't hear and you didn't help me. The world left me crying, all by myself. Aww, I'm crying all over again. Life sucks so much that I'm speechless. Yeah, speechless. What can I say? I can only accept this life of mine. I know I can't change it unless I grow up to achieve my goals and become a successful lawyer. * Don't read this post if you aren't emo because it's not for you. Don't try to tell me that it's okay because I know it's not. So what if you bought my phone? I can pay you back the money if you want. You can't confiscate it just like this. Do you know how hard my life was those few days. I felt that I was in hell. I tried to avoid you. Up till now, the hatred is still in me. You didn't give me a chance to explain. Did you hear me out? Did anyone? No.
I'm acting all tough in front of other people while building an invisible wall. I just wanna see who cares enough to break it. I don't think anyone would. Firstly, I'm not those who are popular because I'm not pretty or anything. I don't give a damn to it anymore, seriously. I'm tired of being insulted. All I can say is, "Thanks." I can't believe that I was emo for the rest of the day because Carrin insulted me. Sorry but I don't think she is
that young either. People can be hurt by your words so please be careful with it. I'm someone who thinks a lot into things. Don't get my hopes high or break my heart. I can't afford to mend another heartbreak. Actually, it's not really considered as a heartbreak. It's just a feeling when I feel like giving up because everything's screwed. Like I said, no matter how hard I try, no one recognises me. Enough of trying. I shall wait for someone to discover me. I don't believe that I would stay as an unpolished gem forever. And, I'm sick of taking the initiative. Can someone just freaking show me that they care? I'm all tired. I can't do anything anymore.
I tried so hard to prepare for tests this term but what happened? EL Component 3, which was supposed to be held next week, was brought forward because of some qb people who talked in class. Why work so hard? I'm gonna fail my EL Component 2 after all. It's of no use. I don't have any sense of satisfaction when I get high marks because I know that someone would get better grades. Even if I'm top someday, everyone would forget about me. Well, that's the sad thing. Great, isn't it? (Sense my sarcasm?) Thanks for everything, heaven. I never wanted my life to be like this. I want to move house! I'm stuck in this tiny flat for many years. When am I moving back to Tampines? :( Now, I have to go to my grandma's house everyday. Not only that, I have to bear with her. Wthell is up with everyone? No one dotes on me anymore. Since Ah Ma died. When she died, I cried the hardest. I'm thinking of her again. We have no blood relations and yet she treats me better than my very own biological grandparents. Epic, eh? They are so biased! Even if I know that they are gonna get retribution for ill-treating me, I can't stop being pissed. My mum is also abusing me mentally. Why is everyone treating me like this? I'm trying my best to be kind to everyone, even Eileen. But I can't stop from being annoying by ******* like them. Here, I would like to tell my granny (Paternal Grandmother) to not to be sarcastic. I know you don't like me getting better grades than your precious grandson. What's the big deal? So what if I'm a girl? Girls can do anything guys can, okay? Aren't you a female? ._. I don't see why you must feed me with leftover coke he doesn't want anymore. I'm not your ******* dustbin! I'd enough of my life although Szeying said that it's never enough. I want this roller coaster to stop but I don't wanna die, duh. Nobody loves me. Sob. Enough of sobbing. Remember that I'm tough? I've decided to write more, like Szeying. :) I guess that's all. I'm tired of groaning. Finally!
Ps. Roller coaster, thanks for everything. I mean it.
Cheryl ♥ Agent Eeyore
8:38 PM
MacBook
Friday, July 30, 2010