Thursday, August 26, 2010
There's nothing I can say now because I'm feeling numb. Sometimes, I don't know why I can't forgive myself for imperfections. Perhaps, I'm a weirdo. Well, who cares? I'm tired of people who demand the best from me. I just can't do it. When I did it, you said nothing and when I didn't, you reprimanded me. Is this something a parent should do? Don't think that you're giving me the best of everything because you aren't. I get scolded for something I didn't mean for it to happen. Seriously, I feel that even if I do really well in something, nobody is going to recognise it.
I don't like my personality. I hate being a perfectionist but I can't help it. Someone, just save me out of this! Let me tell you. This totally sucks because nothing is perfect. But why must I need everything to be perfect before I'm satisfied? Today, it's my birthday. I didn't enjoy it except for the cards and presents. Regine, Jia Hui 12, Hui Jiung, Mei Hang, Quek Xue and the other people who contributed to my awesome birthday present, thank you. :D I really loved them. Especially the Eeyore! Hehe. But, it's not time to be happy because I broke it. I broke it myself. Here I am, slacking again, when I'm supposed to study for my Chinese test tomorrow. I don't want to disappoint everyone but my heart is ruling my head. I feel very sleepy now. I want to sleep but I can't. I slept at 1 yesterday and had lessons till 2.30. I really really love to study? But I don't want it to be so stressful that I can't sleep at night. I don't like what I'm doing. They aren't fun at all.
I'm such an awesome weirdo. I guess I would take a long time to accept and face reality. Though it's cruel, I can't do anything. I lost it myself. Maybe, if you were me, you wouldn't feel so upset because you aren't me and I'm unique. I just have to stop myself from striving perfection. Too much of everything isn't good. Anyways, I'm a nerd. I'm hyper, random and emo at the same time. I'm such a sucky weirdo. Yup, over and gone, those are what I should say. I don't like explaining too much. I don't understand why people aren't putting the effort to know me better. Whatever. So I don't deserve to be noticed in any way. I don't know why, very often when I want to write a happy post, it would naturally become something sad. I'm a sadist. Stop expecting anything from someone useless like me. (Don't worry, I don't mean it. I'm still cheerful and confident.) I won't let anything trip me even though I realised that I'm not that strong after all. You can say that I cry easily but I don't show it. What I do is to smile. :) I'm tired already so I've decided to stop.
Ps. Imperfections.
Cheryl ♥ Agent Eeyore
4:09 PM
MacBook