Saturday, October 30, 2010
I CAN'T LET GO.Yeah, I'm blasting now so ignore my grammatical errors.
As usual, today was
awesome. I went for CO... (I skipped Drama Night rehearsal.) After that, I went to Sakura with Claudine, Hui Jiung, Jia Hui 12, Shiau Yu and Regine. It's Jia Hui 12's birthday tomorrow... We celebrated it in advance. Yup, happy birthday, Jia Hui 12! You just have to know that it's plain awesome because I don't feel like describing my day. It's boring.
I'm feeling kind of confused now. Okay, I'm not kind of confused but very confused. Well, what I'm going to write later might not make any sense again but let me type. I've been trying my best to forget you by avoiding you. Why must you remind me of everything again? I feel like crying now but I can't. I don't know why. I feel horrible inside now. Why can I do except to bear with it alone? No one is here with me. Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about. Am I pretending to be kind of emo? I don't know. I want to drop the pretend! I don't want to pretend that I don't care about anything. I care. I do. Everyone simply believes what I'm telling them. Nothing much, it's what I've been telling them when they ask why I'm so emo. It isn't the truth. What rubbish am I talking about now? Never mind, I found out the truth. It's hurting. Yeah, the truth. Up till now, you're still giving me false hope. Am I hallucinating? (Wait, should I privatise my blog again? I don't want people to see what I'm writing on my blog.) Perhaps, I've been really naive. No, I'm not. I'm making things so complicated. For your information, today, you got my hopes high again but I guess everything isn't possible. Maybe, if you tell me something I've been waiting to hear now, I wouldn't feel a thing. No, I would be very happy but I know I can't accept it. One day, you might just let go without a warning and allow me to fall on the hard ground. (Wow, I feel that I'm writing a story now.) You aren't someone who fights for what you really want. When it comes, you take it. When it doesn't, you don't do anything to grab it. What am I thinking? It's impossible. I shouldn't think this far. I must be mad. We're just friends. Yeah, friends. My inspiration is gone. What happened?! I was checking Facebook and now I've got nothing to write. Okay, the conclusion is, don't ask why. I must be ruthless for once or I would be the only one standing here in the end. Give me a chance to forget you. I can't back out now because there's no turning back.
Oh, I watched a documentary on trafficking just now on Channel 8. I'm just giving a short introduction. In certain countries, there are many cases of children being sold and girls forced to betray themselves. Why? Are girls this worthless? Why are people taking us for granted and they don't cherish us? Okay, my inspiration is back. There might not be a link but... In the end, everyone's going to hurt you. You just have to find people worth suffering for. I don't want to get hurt. Okay, who wants to? Again, why am I clinging onto that glimpse of hope when I know everything's gone and that I've to give up?! Gosh, I really hate myself. I know that hate is a strong word. Perhaps, I don't hate myself. I just hate how I feel. Yup. I got another conclusion.
长痛不如短痛。
If I want to get out of this mess soon, I should ignore his pleas. He doesn't care. I'm just imagining things. It's very easy for me to say all these but it's really hard for me to do it. Really very hard. Sometimes, I just feel like giving up. Maybe, I should just let it fade. Yes, let it fade. Everything would be alright.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this ~I heart the acoustic version of Haunted - Taylor Swift! ♥
Cheryl ♥ Agent Eeyore
11:03 PM
MacBook