Trust no one but yourself because home is no longer where the heart is. :(
Pathetic right? I know. Currently betrayed and abandoned. I hate my life seriously. Nothing is going right. I don't know why I'm damn freaking strange. Oh well, never mind. I guess I'm normal now. Argh, whatever. I'm making no sense here. Okay, let me tell how miserable I am. Yesterday night, my dad went to play billard with his friends. -.- Isn't that useless? Wasting your sleep time on billard?! I won't do that. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that I had to sleep at my grandma's house. This time round, I felt quite okay because my mum was there unlike last time but I was wrong. Very wrong. At five in the morning, my dad fetched my mum home but not my sister and I. I woke up at six thirty because my baby cousin was crying for milk. And do you know what happened? My aunt said that my mum was gone. Gone. It was like... I felt betrayed. I bolted up and jumped out of the mattress. I dashed to my aunt's room and realised that my mum wasn't there. I thought that my sister was gone too. I climbed down the stairs and reached the living room. I grabbed the phone and dialled my mum's number. She claimed that she couldn't wake me up. Liar. I wasn't a heavy sleeper. If my mum called me, I would have woken up because I hated my grandma's house. I knew that she didn't put in the effort to wake me up. She could have poured ice right in my face. If I didn't wake up, I... At that moment, tears trickled down my cheeks. Betrayed. BETRAYED. I hated her and everything. I couldn't trust her anymore. She doesn't love me. I know that. I really know that. I ran up to the washroom and cried. I kept crying. When I thought of him, which was very random, I cried even harder. After a while, I stopped and bathed. Six thirty in the morning. But no one cared. They didn't know I bathed anyways. I watched the telly till seven thirty. I felt very tired so I slept. And I slept till ten thirty. My mum still wasn't there. I ate my breakfast which was very pathetic. Leftovers which were meant for me. I grumbled. Then at twelve thirty, my grandma, aunt, two little cousins, sister and I went to the hawker centre nearby and ate. I wasn't hungry. Then, my mum lied again. She said that she was having lunch with us but you know what happened. I feel freakingly pissed. People who really dote on me died. DEAD. I'm tired already. Very tired of everything. I wasted the whole of my morning. I panic really easily but family isn't there to make me feel better. They make me feel worse. Last time, my parents went to their friend's house and left my sister and I there. I thought that they were coming back for us but they didn't. I waited and waited for them. When I met difficulties in doing my homework in P5, who bothered? They just let me worry about my studies. All on my own. I'm sick of my family. Really. I really hate it. I don't like a place where there isn't love. What if I quarrel with my friends? Well, that's worse. No one knows about it. :'( I can't describe it... How I felt. Who was there when I needed care? No one. It's complicated. Both my grandmas only dote on my other cousins... My so called god grandma really loves me but she is dead. She died when I was seven. Why? I guess I can only rely on myself. Ahem, he also doesn't care. And it makes it worse. Hmm, I don't even know if... Never mind. I have decided to give up, didn't I? Yup. :) I'm okay. Really. I feel better after venting my anger. Hehe. :D
Cheryl ♥ Agent Eeyore
10:39 PM
Monday, June 7, 2010